Sunday, May 11, 2014
"Frolic," by Luciano Michelini
Cafe line-up, morning. OLDER GUY, our man, SLIGHTLY YOUNGER OLDER GUY HOLDING EMPTY TUPPERWARE BOX.
Sign on counter beside six muffins under a little glass dome: NEW! GLUTEN-FREE MUFFINS!
SYOGHETB: Have you tried these muffins?
CJB: As a matter of fact I have.
SYOGHETB: How were they?
CJB: Truthfully? Pretty disgusting.
SYOGHETB: I make these muffins.
CJB: Oh? You bake gluten-free at home?
SYOGHETB: No...I make these muffins right there.
CJB: Ya don't say.
SYOGHETB [to OLDER GUY]: Have you tried these muffins? They're gluten-free!
OLDER GUY picks up counter sign & studies it, deep in thought.
OLDER GUY [to BARISTA GAL, replacing sign on counter]: Coffee. Small, black.
SYOGHETB throws up his hands and stomps off, muffin box in tow.
OLDER GUY gets his coffee, adds fixings.
CJB [to BARISTA GAL]: Two americanos please. Large.
OLDER GUY heads for the door with his coffee. As BARISTA GAL bends over the espresso machine, OLDER GUY pops the top off the muffin dome, selects one, and exits.
CJB [to BARISTA GAL]: Hey, did that guy ahead of me pay for a muffin?
BG: What? No, he just got a coffee.
CJB [pointing out OLDER GUY standing outside, face half-full of muffin]: Well, you wuz robbed.
BG: Fuck! I've got this lineup, can you go get him?
CJB: Oh sure.
[Exits cafe, strolls up alongside OLDER GUY]
CJB: Hey, were you planning to pay for that muffin?
OG [through mouthful of crumbs]: What? FUCK YOU. This is FREE!
CJB: No it isn't. It's for sale.
OG: FUCK YOU! I don't FUCKING STEAL! Why are you MAKING FUCKING TROUBLE? There's a SIGN, says FREE!
CJB: No it doesn't.
OG: I FUCKING SHOW YOU! FUCKING COME WITH ME!
CJB: Okay dude.
[OG storms back into cafe, barges through line-up, grabs sign off counter]
OG: THERE! FUCKING FREE!
BARISTA GAL: Those are for sale, sir. Not free.
OG [slowly reading off sign, as if to child]: New, gluten, FREE muffins.
CJB: That's a hyphen.
OG: WHAT'S THAT FUCKER?
CJB & BARISTA GAL IN UNISON: Gluten, hyphen, free. Not FREE.
OG: FUCK BOTH YOUR MOTHERS!
Roll credits, fade to black.
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